Twas The Night Before Christmas Hillbilly Version

Twas The Night Before Christmas Hillbilly VersionJunior an his wife Priscilla had a whole bunch of young’uns and it was gettin close to Christmas eve, and tryin to get all them young’uns in bed was tougher than shoe leather.

Junior told’em young’uns iffen they didn’t git to bed he wuz gunna beat’em all like red-headed stepchildren.

He sed, “Santy is gunna be heer soon and you’ins gotta be asleep or he’ll not stop heer tonight.”

Finally, all the young’uns was in bed and Junior and Priscilla had a few shots of shine and they went to bed. It was a little after mid-night and Priscilla shook Junior and sed, “Did you heer thaat? Summon’s on the roof.” Junior sed, “Wuman, your’in hear’in things, go back to sleep!” Then he heer’d it and he jump’d to his feet and grabbed the gun and hollard fur the oldest young’un to git up.

The oldest young’un grabbed his gun too and him and Junior headed out the door. They looked up on the trailer roof and low and behold thar wuz Santy and his slay and the deers. Junior sed, “Hey Santy what’ya doin up there? We ain’t got nary chimmney. C’mon down heer and come thru the frunt door, and I’ll given ya a shot of Christmas cheer iffen ya wunt sum.

It was a mild winter night in the Appalachia. So Junior and his oldest young’un was just in bibs and no shurts. Santy got in his slay and brung it down to the frunt yard where Junior and his young’un wuz at. Junior was one to have never met a stranger before. He grabbed ole Santy’s hand an shook it and sed,” Santy its mighty nice of’en ya to stop by this yeer.”

So Junior talked Santy into comin inside and settin down with’m and havin a good ole shot of Christmas cheer Junior had an old mason jar. Santy unscrewed the lid off’n that there mason jar and took a good swig and coughed and snorted and coughed some more. He sed, “Dag nabbit Junior that is the best Christmas cheer I ever had befur. It’s gunna twinkle my toes and kep me nice and wurm tonight.” Junior sed, “Well shucks Santy haffin yurself’n anuther shot thin.” Santy sed, “Don’t mind iff’n I do.”

Junior now drunk sed, “Prissy, c’mere and looksy about Santy, I think he may hav pased out.” Prissy sed, “Whut we gunna doo Junior he’s passed clean out, thar ain’t no wakin him up.” Junior sed, “Well, I reckon hes’a gunna haffin to sleep it off. Christmas might be late.

Long story short If you hear something on your rooftop tonight. Don’t go out and check on it and offer Santa any Christmas cheer. He might take you up on it and then Christmas will be delayed again this year. P.S. I am not making fun of the Appalachia people as I am one of them.

Merry Christmas To you all!

© 2017 Paul Cox All Rights Reserved



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